I had paid my first visit to a doctor since I joined college. I was having some difficulty breathing, and I wanted to figure out why. When the doctor suspected high levels of stress, he asked if I was away from home for the first time, to which I responded with the affirmative. He then told me something that left me thinking even till today. He said, "Looks like umbilical cord still hasn't been cut in your case."
I had my cousin with me for company in that hospital as we collapsed laughing. However, it was all, in that moment alone. I later realized he was making a very valid point. I have a relationship with my parents that I honestly consider myself very lucky for. I had a brother who made me laugh and drove me insane in equal measure, but he was also one I wouldn't have any other way. It had taken a different turn once I had left the house, and I was still living in the fear of that sudden change. When life changes, and turns into it a whole new world that's entirely different from what you knew, the mixture of confusion, fear, and excitement is the feeling that begins to dominate in your mind and your heart. Among all other things, I distinctly remember that feeling. It made me look forward to the next day on some occasions, but on most others, it left me in tears. I longed to wake up in the morning to my mom having a glass of coffee, my dad with his latest nursery rhyme composition that would take all of two minutes, and my brother who was ever ready to wrestle with me, all in readiness waiting for me. But instead, I was left with just me, dragging my own backside to the shower, to the mess, and then later on, to class as well. Yes, I had made new friends, but there was no way that was ever going to take the place of the people who I've loved to death since the days before I even knew the meaning of the words Mom, Dad or Brother.
But gradually, in all of this, came what was both inevitable and necessary. The acceptance of the change. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had to do it all on my own, be it the washing, the working, or the socializing. And Operation Aerospace, at least according to me, was underway. I was functional at long last, even though I was still far from standard.
As far as my parents and brother were concerned, they continued to be my best friends, but I began to feel like I could go back and tell that doctor that the umbilical cord was cut at last! Time would further confirm if I was right.
Firstly congrats on your first blog post. I appreciate that you have taken pains to write such an emotional topic. Even though I have read these kinds of posts before, I still feel emotional when I read these. Almost everyone(especially students) can relate to what you are going through and I hope that you are assured that you are not alone in this.
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ReplyDeleteCongrats Rishabh ,it takes courage to express on topics that are close to your heart. From a parent's (mom's) perspective,it was not easy to cut the umbilical chord when our kids were born and does not get any easier when we need to do it for a second time when we actually have to send pur kids out into the world. I think it is also our responsilibilty to ensure our kids are reasonably prepared to face the world outside,however you are right most of the work is done by you kids,
ReplyDeleteI really wish you all many colourful sitiations that present itself amd soften your journey as you make your way to becoming full fledged successful adults with lots of interesting stories and experiences to share.